It's been a while.

It's been a while since I last visited, and after rereading my last post, I noticed my errors in grammar and more importantly, how different I feel now from I used too, although I can still feel the feeling that that dream invoked in me. I have to say that I don't feel as bad as I used to; I've been doing awfully well in my new school, and even though I may not have changed a lot(I'm still the lazy bastard that I am), I'm sure there have been a number of small changes that occurred throughout my year of absence(like I'm not as lazy as the lazy bastard I used to be).

My days are going quite a lot faster these past weeks. Naturally, the months do as well. School's almost out -- just 3 weeks left and it's the annual semester break already. I feel quite... content, or some sort of content now, especially since I feel as if my life is moving in the right direction. Heck, I don't even metathink my life these past months as I've been too busy with casual videogaming(still not over gaming, but definitely less), cooking and baking, studies(still not studying properly, but I think I will get there... I THINK), and doing not-so-creative stuff, which is making my creative juice stale and, uh, uncreative.

Oh, quite late but we have a dog now! Her name is "Kidlat" which means "lightning" in Filipino. We got her last December and she was an adorable pup back then. Not so much of a pup now but still darn adorable, sans her constant gnawing of my arm and leg. She's hyperactive, although I know that I am not giving her the attention she needs. I should rectify that. I have to say that I have spoiled her quite a bit -- okay, maybe more than a little bit, like a lot, and that's probably how the gnawing stuck to her. And her hyperactivity. And her adorablenessness.

Speaking of rectifying lack of attention -- my diet needs that as well, as does my exercise regime or whatever is left of it, as my dad just bought an air bicycle(no, it doesn't fly or hover) and a treadmill. I REALLY SHOULD START EXERCISING AGAIN.

I've also been trying to court a girl in our school. She's from Optometry and I from Medical Technology. She's also in the 4th year, graduating next year as 5th year(Opto usually has 6 years, but they took summer classes) and... well, I'm going to take a long time. Part of me says it's not meant to be, since she already told me that there's no chance for me to be her boyfriend but I'm still pushing because the bigger part of me doesn't believe that. Of course, I do have times that I think that it won't happen but I guess that I would like to hold on to my chances this time around. And if all fails, no disappearing!

Hm... Game-wise? I've played Spirit Tales online, which was bad since it punished variation instead of promoted it. Also, it's IM heavy, although earning in-game gold was pretty easy. Currently, I've been playing GW2 as *ehrmergerdiboughtthegameaspartofmyselfdestructiveactivitieswhenthegirlimtryingtocourtsaididonthaveachangeehrmergerd*. I'm playing a mesmer, and her name is Idasophia, which would also be the name of my daughter, if God would ever be so pleasant to allow me to be married and have a daughter or adopt a daughter. Mesmers are drat fun to play, especially since they move quite fast via teleportation. I'm going to be a support/tank mesmer!

I forgot something else, but I was going to add it here. Maybe some other time. I'll bookmark my blog on my MFf's bookmark toolbar now to not forget. It's a good thing to write here as well, since most of the time, I get too depressed and I need to talk to someone.

That's all that I remember from my past... week. A lot has happened since last year and I don't remember much, just most of the heartbreaks from friends(Leonie), care ones(María, Jane) and some other stuff, although a lot of good ones happened as well like my opening to social activities, understanding teachers, new and somehow-accepting-although-very-noisy classmates(Larizza, that's you), new friends,new hobbies(cooking and baking, courtesy of myself, RG, and my cousin Mitch), special shout to Crystal, and still having my awesome family(Hi Itay! Hi Sam! Hi Kidlat!). I really don't want to dwell on the past anymore; I want to break free(we're soaring? climbing?) from my self-inflicted heartaches. I just... well, I just want to live in peace.

Also, here. Have the first doodle I made with my (dad-bought, thanks dad!) drawing slate. It's bad but it's cute! I ought to use it more!


EDIT: So I was using HTML instead of the built-in post-maker. No wonder! /facepalm

Dream: August 4, 2011

This was the dream I had today, August 4, 2011, after I woke up and seeing that the clock read 11:45 AM and I was late for my Spanish class again where I had an exam scheduled and I was one absence away from being dropped.

I was inside a class room our high school had and everyone was there. It seemed to have been Health class since my Health Teacher during my senior year was the one teaching. I was sitting at the back, with my bestfriend James and in front of us was our bestfriend Kat.

We were playing a game and the whole class was quite enjoying it. Our classmates would go in front and we will have to guess what things they are acting out. Charades, if you will, though we were allowed to draw on the board. So, our classmates were acting out in front and we were shouting our guesses, all of us laughing as our classmates made funny actions and stuff like that.

Our teacher comes back with seriousness painted on his face, and he told us to stop the game and settle down. Maybe we were just being too noisy, or maybe something else happened; it didn’t matter, we just stopped the game and the lessons were continued as usual.

Truth be told, I don’t remember what happened next. I just remember everyone standing up and started moving the chairs to the side of the room. James hugged me from behind, to my surprise, and I end up hugging Kat as well, to her surprise too. After a short while, Kat broke from my hug and I broke from James’ and as he let go, I rushed out of the room. I could feel tears flowing down my cheeks as I tried to go to the comfort room, though the first room I tried to enter was another classroom, stepped out immediately in semi-embarrassment that I merely shrugged off and went into the comfort room.

Then a blackout.

I came back to the classroom. Everything inside it was left as it was when everybody left; the chairs were at the sides, the fan was still on, the windows were open and the scribbles were still on the board. I looked at the window and I saw myself still in our school’s uniform. It was then that I realized that I was left alone; I was not able to keep up with them and because of that, they all left me though not intentionally.

I don’t remember what happened next but I do remember that I started moving towards the blackboard, took a piece of chalk and started writing or scribbling.

For those who care: I have only been in school(or university, if it would please you) for a year after I went AWOL for 3 years. My batchmates recently graduated though some still remained as they shifted from their original courses.

Obviously, my feeling of inadequacy and "being left out" stems from this, specifically because I have done nothing worthwhile with my life while everyone seems to be doing the opposite thing.

It doesn't matter now. I've made my decision and hopefully, and consciously, I will be sticking with it. The decision, in Miss Aura's words, would be: "Just do what you have to do. What will be will be."

Yes, that doesn't look like much of a decision BUT it really is!

childofthemirror.blogspot.com: Ang aking ama

Sunday, November 30, 2025

Yesterday, as I was lying down in bed trying to go to sleep, Dad went into my room and cuddled with me and kissed me which surprised me.

“Dad, why are you here?”
“So, you don’t like your dad being here now?”
“I-it’s not that. I’m just… surprised, I guess.”
“Well, this is my payback for the heart attack you gave me when you decided to tell me that you wanted me.”
“Hey, no fair! And it's not like you returned the feelings!"

I was blushing by then, so I decided to bury my face in his tummy. I could hear his heartbeat; strong yet calming, and slowly, my own synchronized with his.

“So, what are you doing here?”
“I asked my dad the same thing.”

He was in a bad mood when I asked him, though, so he replied “No, having children is not worth the trouble.” I got depressed with his answer, especially since I took it as “No, my sons are not worth the trouble they gave me.” He did talk to me afterwards and explained that, sometimes, you can’t help feel that children are such a big burden that you’re better off without them. Looking at it in retrospect, I have to agree and have agreed with him, even if it was just a small time.

You were barely a year old back then. I was embarrassed publicly and fired from my job so was pissed and depressed as if I was an angsty teen who didn’t get what SHE wanted (this line was said as he pinched me on the cheek). When I got home, I immediately slumped down on the sofa and decided to sulk about everything. All would have gone according to plan until you started crying.

You know that noise plus an angry person does not combine… well, to say the least. I got up, punched a wall while cursing you in my head.

“This child is too much of a hassle. I should never have taken you in. My life would definitely be better without this pezzo di merda.”
I entered your room and looked down on you as you lied in your crib. An ox-like smell was wafting from you so, cursing my life as, I picked you up and brought you to the bathroom to clean you up. After what seemed to be an eternity, I placed you back in your crib, threw the used diapers in the trash can and slumped back on the sofa and fell asleep.

I opened my eyes just to see a thick cloud of smoke hanging over me. I could hardly breathe but surprisingly, I could see quite well. The whole house painted red and black, ashes flying all over the place. Debris from the roof was falling to the floor and the furniture was the dancing stage of the flames.

I got up, panicked, as I tried to process what was happening around me. When everything sank in, there was only one thought that came to my head.

“María!”

I made my way through the seemingly bigger house, weaving my way through the flames and debris trying to crush me. It was as if I was Mario trying to rescue Princess Peach in Bowser’s last castle (I couldn’t help but laugh as he exclaimed this.)!

I saw your crib as I neared your room but as I approached, the door closed itself. I tried to open it but it burned me hand. I knew by then that it was a futile effort to open the door and that I was only hurting myself but… it just wasn’t about me anymore.

“María! María! María!”

I woke up, screaming and sweating, in the living room. The house was dark but there were no fires, no smoke, and no debris. It was all a dream.

I hurriedly stood up and went to your room, only to find you still sleeping in your crib with a little smile on your face. I took you from your crib and from your sleep and I hugged you as tight as I could without hurting you, as tears ran down my cheeks. You, now awake, stared at me with your earthen eyes as a smile started running in-between your cheeks.

“Papa!”

That was your first word.

“Princess, you are, just like every other child in this world, a hundred times worth the trouble. If, in the future, you find yourself thinking that a child is not worth the effort you put in raising him or her, remember that you, yourself, were once a ‘burden,’ now a treasure, to your parents.”
With that, he kissed my forehead as he hugged me tighter. I couldn’t mutter anymore words as I didn’t want to show him that I was crying, though I know that he knew. I just hugged back and slowly, I fell asleep with him beside me.

~~~~~

Dad, maraming salamat sa lahat at mahal na mahal ko kayo! Isang belated na maligayang kaarawan!



With all sincerity,

Idamaría

childofthemirror.blogspot.com: Is it worth it?

Friday, November 28, 2025

Yesterday, Pamela sat with us for lunch for the first time since she knew she was pregnant. She apologized to us for it, saying that “Cafeteria food wasn’t good for her baby.” Even though it was a joke, we all agreed.

I already told you about Pamela’s tale in another blog post. Well, kind of. Long story made short: Pam got together with her crush, Matthew, got pregnant and, now, 4 months into pregnancy. And for those curious people: Yes, Matthew left her but she still decided to keep the child.

This made me wonder: “Why would she want to bring up a child all by herself? At such a young age as well! She has a bright future ahead of her if she would just abort the child or, if her conscience could not handle such thought, give it up for adoption? Who would want to go through all that trouble just for a child? Would it really be worth the trouble?”

After lunch, I approached her with this question to which she merely replied with: “I don’t know. I just want to. I know I may come to regret this decision one day but it… this… this isn’t about just me anymore.” I have to admit that I didn’t expect her to be so conscious of the troubles of having a child; I thought she only wanted to keep it because it’s “the right thing” to do. Still, I wasn’t satisfied with her answer and I ended up “daydreaming,” through my afternoon classes, thinking for a valid answer that would satiate me though I knew that I would not get because I haven’t been placed in that spot. Thank you, my conservativeness.

School ended and I was still without an answer when it hit me: “Dad.”

Dad was already cooking when I got home. And as per usual, I gave him a hug and a kiss, both of which he returned.

“Go change or take a shower first, this will still take a while.” he said as he added the placed the guavas in the pan.

“Sinigang sa bayabas…(guava soup)” I thought “… our favorite.”

I happily obliged with his request because, as every one of us knows, clean feeling added with hot food always makes a good dinner.

I’m going to skip the next part since it has no weight towards this story. For all of you perverts there, be my guest and think what you want. Just know that I have an Elektra complex.

Dad already set the table when I got down so we just sat, prayed (we did the short version today, Dad was definitely hungry) and ate.

For those of you who know the saying “Ang pag-aasawa ay hindi parang mainit na kanin
na iluluwa kapag napaso ang dila.(Marriage is not like eating hot rice that you can just spit out of it scalds your tongue.)” Ugh, no! I am not married to my dad you sick perverts! I was talking about the rice! The rice! The rice during that dinner was just like that; scalding hot! And the sinigang was… well, let’s just say the that sweetness and the sourness of the guava was dancing the Tango in your mouth as the meat slowly melts in your mouth…

Wait, is that a drool on my pajamas?

Sadly, the opportunity to ask my dad never arose as he stood up immediately after he was done. I offered to wash the dishes but Dad would rather have me doing my homework so, not wanting to tell him I didn’t have any homework for that night, I just nodded and went up to my room.

I’m going to skip on this part again as I was merely playing MMOs during that time.

It was almost 2 AM when I decided to stop playing; I shut the computer off and went downstairs to brush my teeth though, on the way to the bathroom, I peeked inside the study to find that my dad was checking papers and he still had an inch-stack of it left to do so, after brushing my teeth, I heated some water up and made him some coffee and I brought it to him as I passed back.

The warm light from his desk lamp was all that was illuminating the room and as I entered, I started removing my clothes and as I went up to him, I started massaging his back and---

A-ah, right! A real story, not a fantasy!

I went up to him and gave him his coffee, much to his surprise.

“Thank you, my princess.”
“You’re welcome, dad.” I replied as I kissed his forehead.

I’m sure he was expecting me to leave immediately so it must have surprised him that I was still lingering around.

“Don’t you have classes later?”
“Yes, I do but…”
“But?”
“I wanted to ask you a question first.”
“Then by all means, please.”
“Dad, having a child, is it worth all the trouble?”

He didn’t reply but he sported a small smile that left as quickly as it came.

“… We’ll discuss that tomorrow. You still have to get some rest.”

He left it there and I have to say, I was thoroughly disappointed even if I know he was going to answer my question sometime in the near future, so I just did what he said but before I slept, I wondered: “What answer will he give me?”

Alice Gets Messy

Alice grabbed the sack that her master had told her not to touch and started to curiously feel its contents to which her master only grinned, as if he had already anticipated the young demon girl's actions.

The little girl felt what was at the bottom first but she slowly got disinterested as the things at the bottom eluded her grip as she tried to capture them with her hand. She decided to feel what was at the top of the sack she was holding. Though she wasn't looking, it only took her a few seconds to get a hold of it.

She felt it; it was quite long but it wasn't exactly hard. On the contrary, it was quite squeezable. It was quite warm though and every time she gave it a squeeze, it seemed to pulse back to shape. Alice, being the impulsive girl that she is, gave whatever it was she was holding one tight squeeze as if she was trying to split a walnut open and almost immediately, she gave out a high-pitched yelp out of surprise.

She pulled her hand away from the sack only to find out that her hand was covered with a cream-white liquid that seemed to be as viscous as mucus. "Eeew!" she remarked in fear of what the liquid was rather than in disgust. "What is this--?"

The little girl looked behind her to see her master's reaction that was, as she expected, a fake "I don't know" face; complete with the shrugging motion of the shoulders. Knowing that she won't get anywhere trying to get the answer from her master, she moved her hand close to her nose and started sniffing the liquid. "It smells... like honey. It smells sweet."

"Then go taste it." said the voice coming from behind her. She turned around and eyed her master suspiciously out of the corner of her eye. She then looks back at her ivory hand and after contemplating for a few seconds, she put her index finger into her mouth; her pink lips contouring its shape to fit the finger's as if it was really meant to be inside her mouth. The little girl wrapped her tongue around her finger again and again, savoring the liquid that dripped from it and finally, she gave out a loud "Slurp!" as she sucked all the liquid from her finger. Slowly, she pulled her finger out and away from her mouth, leaving only a mere thread of saliva between the two which she got rid off by waving her index finger around as if it was some magic wand.

"It IS sweet!" the little girl said cheerily.

"Of course it is. That's condensed milk. THE ONLY PACK OF CONDENSED MILK."

"Wait... you mean for the fruit salad?"

"Yes, but since you already spilled it all inside the plastic sack, I can't make it anymore." her master replied teasingly, with a smile that spanned from across his cheeks.

"Y-you can't buy anymore?!"

"The shop ran out of stock."

Her master's condescending voice echoed in her head as if saying "I won! I won! I won!" and the little demon girl, who is so used to getting everything she wants, could only curl her lips into pout in reply, as if the sweet liquid left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth.

Random post is random.

Gotta love the newest Cosmic Break update although I'm seeing the spamming of game breaking melees.

A UC(Universal Credit, in-game currency) Garapon?! Five spins for 2000 UC?! I CAN FINALLY SATISFY MY LUST FOR GAMBLING WITHOUT SPENDING REAL MONEY! This, in my opinion, beats any FC MT has released and Adelina's/Helena's gambles in GE.

Regarding the UC Garapon: Personally, I have no complaints about it. Two thousand UC is quite a cheap price. A Union War match gives out 700-1.5k UC WITHOUT a ticket. That's technically 2-4 battles for 10 spins. Although the top prize, Koko Gaap, is not worth much(as it has no upgrade slots and a standalone Koko Gaap has CRAPPY stats), the Bronze and the other Gold prizes(Mini Lily and Mini Crim) are blessings. The Garapon actually caters most to those who play Arenas instead of quests as it is now an alternate way of getting a few upgrading materials.

There is one catch though. You don't get STAR Coins when you get a gold prize but that is fairly understandable. In my opinion, this Garapon is a good thing but I may be wrong. We'll see.

I do hope the -risk- is worth it(w/r to the Ouka-spamming).

Oh, I haven't posted this blog update and I already have 2 of the 3 top prizes. More Koko Gaap!~

---

Obviously, I am now a fan of Cosmic Break.

I first got introduced to the game by stalking Lndi's blog which I am rather thankful for. It's a nice way to keep my mind off things but as of the moment, it's turning into an unhealthy addiction.

How unhealthy? I've already spent P3000 on the game which is approximately $60 and I am playing it when I am supposed to be studying.

Both of these facts lead me to this: I know what my weaknesses are and what things are temptations to me and I do not bother going away from them. Not only that, when I know I'm doing something bad, I have the tendency to just shrug the guilt feeling off for the duration of the activity and let all the backlash appear afterwards. This doesn't even apply to games. It applies to everything. Eating, playing, looking at porn, eating. What? That's my daily routine.

Looking back on the things I've done ♫(I just had to do it), I know why people treat me of no importance. I'm guessing it's time for me to make myself important, even if it is only to myself.

Other than my rant in the past paragraph(do not I'm typing this real time, what comes to mind goes to the post), I killed mafia this time. I totally got bored of it and decided to blow it up once and for all. Sorry Ofi.

Shameless plug: Register and join the mafia forums. We really need more players and I guarantee that it's fun although sooner or later, it's bound to make you paranoid.

I should go read these few chapters about proses now. Then back to Cosmic Break to redesign my Koko Gaap into a Len Kagamine in Servant of Evil.

Note to self:
Start posting Minecraft journal entries here and other things like poems, etc. Seriously. The blog misses you. YOU NEED TO RANT MORE.

Creative Writing 10: Why my teacher is sick.

So last Tuesday, our Creative Writing teacher was absent but he asked us to write a story either about what he is sick with or how he became sick. The genre wasn't specified and we could write about ANYTHING. Yes, ANYTHING.

I was having a LOL-y time during the explanation of the activity because I CAN BUTCHER THE TEACHER WE HAVEN'T MET PROPERLY. Yeah, think of it as preempted payback. I took a lovely 10 minutes to stop myself from thinking about ponies and rainbows and stuff like that and I settled with this...
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Pre-Mission Entry:
This is my log for this mission. I got a call from headquarters about a problem in Sector-FEL7x5. It seems that souls from Hell are starting to appear in places they shouldn't be in. My mission is to go to Hell and find the reason for this problem and fix it. Time ratio is 100:1.

Day 1:
Just great. My deployment device screwed up and now I am too far from the entrance to Hell so I'm going to have to go there by foot.

Day 12: Just a random thought. Why do we not have cars or any means of transportation for these missions? Seriously, we have all the technology in the world but they can't give us any mode of transportation for these missions? HQ is going to hear from me once I get out of this place.

Day 20:
I have seen the effects of the souls spilling into places. Everything is getting altered in some way.

Today, I got attacked by SENTIENT windmills. I would've died if it wasn't for Don Quixote who came to my aid. However, this Don Quixote is not the old-knight-wannabe I know. This one has muscles as large as coconuts, a body as hard as diamond and an ego twice the size of Jupiter. He also cooks on hell of a dinner.

I explained my mission to Don Quixote and he decided to go with me on my journey. "For the love of chivalry!"

Day 33:
Yesterday, we arrived in a copy of London. It is exactly as it was during the Industrial Revolution except for thing... Prufrock is running the whole city. Apparently, Prufrock is the wealthiest and most successful man in the city. He even has his own harem. Yes, too much information. I know.

We talked to Prufrock about my mission and he agreed to help us if we defended London(with his help, of course) against the souls that attack the city during the night. We fought against the souls and won and Prufrock gave us some money and weaponry to help us in our quest.

Day 49:
We found ourselves at the side of the 300 Spartans at the Battle of Thermopylae. The Spartans, still using spears and all were fighting against the army of Persians, the latter blocking the way to the "Forest of the Silent Sun". Though we were vastly outnumbered, the Spartans, with our help, won the battle with no losses. How? We had guns. They then decided to accompany us in our journey. From 2 to 302. Epic.

Day 52:
I just realized that there's no change in the Spartans(other than winning the Battle of Thermopylae) from what they used to be. They're still oozing with manliness, muscular, beard-y and still equipped with CG abs.

Day 55:
Something went into my eye today. It took a few winks to get it out. Damn it hurts.

Day 57:
Is that guy winking at me?

Day 59:
I saw Leonidas belly-dancing for Quixote in their tent. If that wasn't bad enough, they shared a French kiss. MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!

Day 60:
Now, I feel so unsafe around these people.

Day 63:
I decided to travel alone out of fear of what might become of me if I stayed with the Spartans and Quixote.

Day 77:
I finally got to the "Forest of the Silent Sun". It's... dark.

Day 84:
After a week of walking around, I finally found it. "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate." Hell, here I come.

Day 85:
I found Virgil and he told me what the problem was. Some soul broke Hell's expansion device which made Hell stop expanding. The rate of souls coming into Hell was too high and because of that, souls started to spill into the mortal realm.

I told Virgil I can fix the device if he could show me where it was and now, I'm traveling with him.

Day 88:
Third circle. It's supposed to rain ice here but it's hella hot. Ugh. Damn uniform.

Day 89:
It's getting hotter and hotter as we go down. I decided to ask Virgil what happened to the soul who broke the device.

"Lucy sent him to Heaven so he can do some damage there."

Day 91:
VIRGIL. WOULD. NOT. STOP. TALKING.

Day 95:
Finally at the 9th Circle. We went to Lucy immediately and he told us where the device is. After a FEW MINUTES of tinkering, the device was fixed and Hell started to expand again. Thank God. It's starting to get cold---- now it's freezing.

Lucy was grateful for the help and he decided to get a soul of a technician or something so he'll be ready for something like this in the future. He also decided to cooperate with HQ's clean-up by sending his minions to fetch the souls that escaped. It'll take a while before they get all of them though but that isn't my problem now. I'm just glad I can get home.

POST-MISSION Entry:
Great, now I can't go to work because I'm down with the flu. Dratted mission.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

That's the story. For those who didn't get why Hell is supposed to be frozen, etc. Look up "Dante's Inferno" in Google and look for the description of the 9th Circle.

For those who didn't understand why Hell froze because of expanding/souls got out because of lack of space because of Hell not expanding, it was a reference to this:
Freezing over!

I hope you enjoyed it. May God bless you and may you have fun today.

EDIT: So one of my best friends read this and she sent this little sketch she thought of.

Protagonist: *enters tent to find Don Quixote and Leonidas making out* "OMGWTFBELLYDANCE?"
Don Quixote: "Erm... It's not what it looks like!"
Protagonist: "This is GAY!"
Leonidas: "THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!"
Don Quixote: "........."
Protagonist: "........."
Leonidas: "Well... it is..."

Funny sketch is funny.